Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML
Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML
Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the subway station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced, "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one." FML
Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone except me. Then one of them said, "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML
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Top comments
DerrickJames 33
Those aren't your friends.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Shitty bouncer. Shittier friends.
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Comments (147)
noxiffic 20
should've gone bananas :D
CrazedOut 2
sorry to hear OP! get new friends, and leave those misfits. you deserve better ;)
Miss_Klutzie 28
You need some new friends.
LilMsSunshine68 6
I think you meant to say FORMER friends!
free_a_nipper 11
What a prick (the doorman) - that's also discrimination. I don't know what country you're in, but here in Ireland the doorman would be too afraid to say that incase you got him done for it. As for your 'friends' - probably best you know their true worth know before you invest anymore time in them. Life's short, get new friends and find a better club 8-)
Epikouros 32
She is in Ireland, genius. Looks like OP found a new friend to go out with!
Alicestraza 33
No, most doormen wouldn't be afraid.
Epikouros 32
Beauty is subjective. I'm sure there's someone who thinks you're attractive. Although he may live in a zoo.
Ibeatmyself 3
Time to get some real friends
kidsgotastinky 11
It ain't easy being ugly... but someones gotta do it
CharresBarkrey 16
65 - We get it, your caps lock is broken.
Cristian89 29
Damn that is mean and rude