Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML
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Top comments
GRRSOM 7
Hope you don't take it offensive if people call you crack head for a while.
BunBunBabe 8
What the hell how did that not wake you up? You must have actually knocked yourself out! Hope you get better sleep tomorrow than that
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Comments (67)
jellyD 1
Say what you want dude, but the ache in your hole indicates a rape... Don't deny
KiddNYC1O 22
I thought of sleep paralysis. Those are exciting!
FalconCrunch 4
Or maybe you got drunk and ****** a virgin.
DuckOnQuack93 5
Might be a poet and you don't even know it.
flashback.miss 28
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hateevryone 15
You sleep that wild?
Schmoozee98 0
u rhymed unintentionally... epic skillz
louielove19 4
Hey, it rhymes! :)
KatieKupcake4195 9
Ouch! Been there with the gash thing. I fell down the wooden stairs at my house, busted the back of my head open, and had to go to the ER and have the gash stapled up. Hopefully your gash wasn't that bad. Anyway, time to rearrange your furniture, OP.
kenzie101 6
That ryhmes. But I bet that hurt...actually how could u not feel it?