Today, my date from last night sent a text obviously meant for his brother or a friend, which said, and I quote, “Bro I tried all those psychological tricks you taught me to get her to want to suck my dick but she didn’t offer even once, now I got blue balls and I had to pay for her meal too.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML
Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Today, when my date realised he wasn’t getting sex, even though it was the mythical third date when sex is supposedly guaranteed, he asked for the bill while I was still halfway through my main course, paid his share to the penny, and left. He'd driven me there, so I had to get a bus home. FML
Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique, and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today, I went on a date that went well, until the bill came and she quickly shoved it in my direction, then went to the loo. Rude, but I thought nothing of it… until our waiter took pity and told me I’m the fourth guy she’s had this week who'd been made to pay for her. I paid half, then went home. FML
Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML
Today, I was texted out of the blue by a girl I treated to dinner last year. Since then, we'd chatted and met in passing a few times, but she'd turned down or cancelled all my other date invitations. Sadly, she wasn't trying to meet up. She wanted $500 to benefit a male friend, who was down on his luck. FML
Today, my Tinder date seemed annoyed that my offer of dinner at my house really was an offer of dinner, not easy sex. Apparently, acting like a real woman with a mind and feelings, as opposed to a hole for his penis to temporarily inhabit, completely ruined his night. FML
Today, I went out on a first date. He was funny, laidback, and handsome. We had an amazing time but I declined to go back to his house, not wanting to rush things. He said he understood and respected my choice. Later online he bragged about “banging some cheap slut for the price of a meal.” FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
It was meant to be sent to you. That's another psychological trick. Next time you see him, he'll apologize for the mix-up, but you'll feel like you owe him a *******. It works every time.
Wadlaen 24
Looks like you dodged a bullet. Better luck next time!
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Comments (8)
RichardPencil 32
It was meant to be sent to you. That's another psychological trick. Next time you see him, he'll apologize for the mix-up, but you'll feel like you owe him a *******. It works every time.
Wadlaen 24
Looks like you dodged a bullet. Better luck next time!
RichardPencil 32
You're right. She dodged a bullet this time. But next time, she'd better play with the bullet or she's going to get kicked off the gravy train!
poopface82 25
He expected services of that manner from you but I bet he wasn’t willing to pony up on his end. What a tool.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Plot twist: OP did like him but every once in a while he'd say something really weird as if he was trying a psychological trick to get a ******* and she got weirded out.
JackWood 21
You didn't offer.... even once? Apparently these "tricks" should cause multiple offers. Who knew?
JackWood 21
Let him know next time you will pay for your own meal and he can take care of his own blue balls.
mehhwhy 1
I mean… He paid for dinner so it’s only fair that you help with dessert 🤷🏼♂️
CowgirlWithHeart 16
If he wants to pay for a BJ he can go to a professional, not masquerade the whole thing as a date.