Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact that both of my roommates are aware of. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML
Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML
Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML
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Top comments
acrylicParadox 7
There's still a small chance they forgot...but if they didn't, that's just sad.
sweettart83 27
At least you realized it had coconut in it before you ate it.
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Comments (123)
hienzburgess 9
they're plotting your death. run OP, run now and never look back. ever. this must be forgotten. the past must be erased. forever.
perdix 31
Maybe they're saying you deserve to have your throat close up so you can't keep whining about your two jobs and your rough life.
Allanahjoy 7
That's exactly how I feel. Op never said she was deathly allergic and I doubt her friends would try to kill her. Maybe give her some hives and get her to quiet down about being so miserable. Yes 2 jobs may be stressful but she is obviously taking out her stress on her two roommates too much. If they say she deserved it, she probably acted badly enough for them to think so. Op isn't innocent here.
DelphiCat 17
In their defence, after four years of knowing each other and two years of living together, my flatmate still forgets our other flatmate has no sense of smell. On an almost weekly basis. Even i forget at least once every six months. It's easily done.
sweetbliss3 37
Out of all the cookies, they pick coconut? Everyone knows chocolate chip or peanut butter are the "safe" cookies. I'm thinking they didn't forget and did it on purpose. Think it's time for you to have a chat with them to see what's going on.
DelphiCat 17
Did you just call peanut butter 'safe' cookies?
TheDrifter 24
Yup, coconut has a distinct texture, peanut butter is a much harder to detect assassination tool. Though, at like a 5 in 100000 allergy rate, it's kind of hit and miss on the reliability.
sweetbliss3 37
Yes they are the safe ones, if you're not sure what people like, they usually go with those two. Who in their right mind thinks, "oh, ima make coconut cookies"
penguinazul 13
I would say plain sugar cookies are the safest bet as they don't contain any common allergens other than maybe eggs and/or gluten. Chocolate and peanut butter are pretty common allergens.
DelphiCat 17
But nut allergies are ridiculously common? Like, are possibly the MOST common? Also if you ever live outside the US don't make peanut butter as default. It's not all that popular as a spread and even those who love it (me) can find it weird in biscuits...
whY402Jay 12
Euthanasia... just trying to help you.
dr_snow_bear 29
Maybe they forgot.
jamnglamgirlie 17
1.) You could take them out to dinner and say you're paying, then 'go to the bathroom '. 2.) Put laxatives in some homemade baked goods, or a carton of juice. If you choose baked goods be sure to make, and secretly mark, one of the sweets without laxatives incase they get suspicious and make you try one first.
Evgeny2222 11
Strong hallucinogens would also fit.
gmian 34
Put toothpaste in their Oreo cookies >:) Or blue dishwasher detergent in their Listerine rinse bottles.
travisbell5 1
I wondered how they figure that out......... This is why i don't tell anything to a person, they try to use a weakness as a strength for themselves...and for laughs
ms31_fml 3
Who breaks cookies in half to eat them? Seriously.
missalice0306 19
I didn't know there was a "right" way to eat cookies.