Today, I was talking to my online therapist about my problems with relationships, mainly that guys only want sex and don't listen to me. After I'd confided in him, and told him how I felt about my issues, he told me he would marry me and have my children. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML
Today, while I was explaining my troubles to my therapist, he asked me, "And don't you have someone you can tell all that?" FML
Today, a sex phone worker asked me if I was alright and recommended I get some kind of therapy. FML
Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML
Today, after I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he said he won't give up on us and asked me to go to therapy. According to him, “You might need medication for how you feel.” FML
Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML
Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML
Today, I tried to talk to my wife about our lack of sex lately. Apparently, her therapist told her that her high libido and eagerness to experiment came from her early childhood issues, so now she's working through her trauma and will never want sex again. FML
Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make myself feel better. FML
Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML
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Top comments
colderthanyou 15
Holy unprofessional. Time for a new therapist!
ahabsfan 17
He would have your children? Aren’t you supposed to have his?
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Comments (14)
RichardPencil 32
Wow, I know a good therapist will try inventive techniques to treat your problems, but this is ridiculous!
ryand82 11
But will he listen to you?
acmariner99 25
That’s not how that’s supposed to work. If that was an attempt to be funny, it really isn’t.
colderthanyou 15
Holy unprofessional. Time for a new therapist!
ahabsfan 17
He would have your children? Aren’t you supposed to have his?
ThrottleJockey 36
Maybe he's a sea horse.
Henry8cooper 15
There are two kinds of men. Those who pretend to listen while they wonder how to get sex real fast - and those who don't pretend to listen - I wonder which category your online therapist is in? Maybe try a female online therapist.
Kaneki Chiaki 15
That's romantic.
Todd Klopfer 11
I know OP probably don't read responses but for any of you that find yourself in similar situations please screen shot the conversation and immediately report this behavior to the company he is working for and to the government office regulating professionals in your area. This is abuse.
Sinshine 28
Online therapist? Is that from that website they've been advertising all over YouTube a while back? Better get a proper therapist instead of that shady online stuff.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are you sure he was really a therapist, and not one of the Paul brothers?