Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
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Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
I hope to ******* God no one does a comic for this one.
zrjones 0
this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever
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Comments (372)
jonny2x4 0
Who "defecates"? I poop, drop a deuce, take a shit, take a crap, make fudge, take a dump, drop off friends at the pool, make a chocolate baby. But "defecate"? No need to be so clinical about it.
ISeeStarsBitchh 0
You forgot......Open up a can of soup, pinch one off , take the Browns to the Superbowl, lose a few pounds, make a donation to the porcelin god, release the chocolate hostages, pop a squat, give birth, lay an egg, kill a fish, and feed the alligators. xD Bahahahaha.
aresgirl 0
ummmm wow. tapeworms can live up ppl's asses??
Serafie 0
Are you twelve or something?
cheetahboo2010 5
Gross! FYL, that's nastyy. I'd hate to have one~
MrmnGrl 0
Dude, same thing happened to me! I was sitting there dropping the Browns off at the SuperBowl and felt some thing hanging, pulled on it a good couple of times and as it started coming out, it was like 6 inches long! Crazy feeling man, I feel for you.
4ddie 0
FYL and the OP's. c:
potatopeeler 0
I think the worst part about this is not pooping out a tapeworm, but that you have to live with it hanging out of your ass for however long the meds take to arrive. :(
cocoapuffshooter 0
Guess this means no backdoor action for a while? ;)
KBear816 0
Oh wow. That's gross! Hopefully that medication comes soon! jeez...
MadeOfAwesome 1
Omg ewww >.< how do you even get a tapeworm?? No, wait, I don't think I want to know...
kawa_fml 0
I think I just barfed a little... seriously. most disgusting parasite. ever.
YourLife_sucks 0
I was eating supper when i read this and had to stop chewing and take it out of my mouth . YDI for loosing my appetite AND being a dirty mofo