Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
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Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
I hope to ******* God no one does a comic for this one.
zrjones 0
this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever
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Comments (372)
Playdate 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How do you not know you have a tape worm?? especially one that long!! Major FYL
loveeisnott 0
you don't necessarily have to know even if it's 6 feet long. it's a parasite, it can hide pretty well.
allmidnighteyes 11
wrong comment replied to
twenty_fml 0
Look at the bright side, at least you're losing weight?
adelaide_evening 0
I hear back in the old day, they used to put tapeworm eggs in pills and sell them as a miraculous weight-loss pill. OP, were you raiding an ancient drug store in hopes of losing weight?
pentameter 0
Ew! I am so sorry for you. ): FYL.
Calaura9 0
Best/worst FML I've read in a long time! Sorry/congratulations.
kitkatkelly 0
Yeeeaah, the tapeworm survives by stealing nutrients from your body, sometimes to the point of malnutrition. Not hurting you at all...
PIQ 0
At least it one came out, someone died having a tapeworm because it started eating its organs. A least you're still alive so that's good.
Arinwyn 0
I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth. that's disgusting.
psyx 0
This is disgusting.
krayzed 0
Damn. I don't anyone deserves that. D:
ICallKyo 3
that is so gross. ewww.