Today, just after got home, my husband, instead of offering to cook dinner or massage my feet, said, "Does this look a funny colour to you?" and showed me a selfie of his asshole. And yes, it did, so of course I had to book a doctor's appointment for him because he can’t even do that by himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, I went to see a doctor because of some blood in my stool. Not only is the matter embarrassing enough as is, it turned out the doctor was a young, crisply dressed, extremely handsome man. I then had his finger in my ass for a check-up, all the while him being very nice about it. I'm still mortified. FML
Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Chazzster 32
Since it’s virtually impossible to see you own asshole, I suggest that OP needs to see if they can find out just why husband thought his asshole “looked funny”. That might be a much bigger story…
dasin 18
so this fml ia setup with you wanting things? but they are the one in need of constant help?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
What an asshole! After setting up such a selfie, would you really want him to cook dinner for you? Or even touch your sweaty feet?
Thaylok 17
Did you reach out to him before you walked in the door and let him k ow you had a hard day and needed some help/relaxation time? This is a common problem we guys have where we fail to communicate and have unrealistic expectations based on our failures. Before you go all out on his @$$, consider he may have been broadside with your expectations regardless of how valid they are.
core01 30
The bar for men is already on the ******* floor, but NOW we have to tell you how to show a moments worth of compassion toward your wife before dumping more of your self-absorbed, main-character view, only your world exists b.s. on her? why do we even marry men? pointless.
pieter82 17
In your specific case, I tend to agree :D
Chazzster 32
Since it’s virtually impossible to see you own asshole, I suggest that OP needs to see if they can find out just why husband thought his asshole “looked funny”. That might be a much bigger story…
Gubbon 17
Asshole is itchy. Take picture of asshole. Asshole looks weird. Simple as that.
dasin 18
so this fml ia setup with you wanting things? but they are the one in need of constant help?
moonchildcat 2
um …whoaaa..I’d start pegging him sis