Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw that the man who got me pregnant, and swore that if I kept it he'd run away to Asia, and his new girlfriend announced their pregnancy on social media. They both seem to be very happy. FML
Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, I found out I’m pregnant with the man I’ve been in love with for almost a year. When I told him, he got down on one knee, cuddled my abdomen and said, "Get out." FML
Today, I finally met my dream woman: a smokin’ hot green-eyed petite redhead. Or so I thought. I met her online and “she” turned out to be a 22 year-old guy trolling me. The worst part is that I separated from my wife for this girl. She won’t take me back no matter how much I beg and plead. FML
Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML
Today, my 15 year-old daughter decided that the best way to indulge her rebellious impulses was to sleep with the 30-something convict down the street, get pregnant, and try to convince him to let her move in. FML
Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML
Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife…" We all laughed, and then my partner said, "Boy, you got THAT right." FML
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Top comments
Roxy Rousseau 11
Wait until the baby comes. Post divorce I’ll bet good money that OP will be the happier one!
Naird 2
Why do you think he really left? Can not be only the guru's stupid advice.
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Comments (10)
RichardPencil 32
That's the best investment of £29.99 I've ever seen! Do you have the guru's contact info? Oh, yeah, sorry for your loss. That sucks.
Roxy Rousseau 11
Wait until the baby comes. Post divorce I’ll bet good money that OP will be the happier one!
Naird 2
Why do you think he really left? Can not be only the guru's stupid advice.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Can I have your husband's email address please? I need to find out how to seduce 19 y/o redheads...
RichardPencil 32
I want the guru's address!
bobsanction 18
So clearly you were standing in the way of his happiness.
WistayShlaio82 13
And it only cost you 30$ and several wasted years of your life
sickerthanyou 13
In all fairness I’d be super happy with a hot 19 years old red head too!
GalaxyGirl1123_fml 14
That poor 19 years old redhead though.... She's the one who's gonna need help soon
GalaxyGirl1123_fml 14
Was he really still making you happy at that point? Maybe it's your time to find someone better ;)