Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
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Top comments
khaya 9
At least it wasn't during.
RecklessJellyBea 7
Women's intuition. Now the ultimate cockblock.
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Comments (213)
kidwiththeface42 7
I would've taken your girlfriend's phone and been like "I'd love to drop off your daughter, but I'm in the middle of someone" ad hung up.
Em_I_Am 5
I see what you did there..
Steve95401 49
This is a sign that it's not meant to be and OP will never have sex with her.
pandm101 0
Or just bad timing.
thingamajiga 5
so have sex next time. no big whoop.
2ndSucks 15
If the mother is such a clairvoyant **** block, there will probably be a nicely timed interruption then too.
miserypoison 13
Cockblockers gun' block cocks.
teague95 16
cockblockers glock blocks cocks
miserypoison 13
Gunna*
kalbrek009 20
Do most kids like you (who shouldn't be having sex until you're 18 anyways) not realize that most parents have a family locator gps type thing on their phone service to locate their kids' phones...we have it on our daughter's so we know where she is @ ALL times....no more lies about being @ her girlfriends house when she's really @ her boyfriends...just 1 text or call puts a stop to children's stupidity....Be parents to your kids...they already have enough "friends"
Lanceeden 12
...you're creepy.
tateh22 1
Ur comment was so long that I didn't bother reading it, neither did 300 other people
hercs95 0
That must be very intrusive for her being that kind of a parent will only cause a rebellion later....
tutuluzer5968 0
That really rude of you to be truthful. Your child should be permitted to live their life according to their idea. Your responsibility as a parent is nit to over bare them unfairly. Just to be there. For love support food and shelter. Their friends are there for fun stupidity and wildness.
tutuluzer5968 0
Also show some trust. your an ass of a parent
hercs95 0
Very true #30
khaya 9
First of all you seem a bit crazy and secondly I don't think you actually have kids. I'm guessing you are the creepy person at the end of the street nobody talks to.
armorf0r 7
Wow, no ******* wonder she is trying to go to her boyfriends house. If you, her parents, weren't so far up her ass trying to control her like a ******* marionette, then maybe you could have a CONVERSATION with her about what she should and shouldn't be doing without you forcing her from being able to. It's parents like YOU that have kids that do drugs have sex and get pregnant in their early teen years because they want something besides what you shove down their throats.
seximexi911 10
Well spoken 39.
JadedJarOfHearts 3
If you control your daughter too much, she is just gonna rebel more. Leave it be, let her be a teenager.
bizarre_ftw 22
Is it just me or are other people sitting around hoping this guy's daughter is reading this?
bizarre_ftw 22
And then uses the larger public opinion to - in a far more diplomatic way than this - basically tell her mother & father "**** off! You're over protective psychopaths"
ikickgingers 15
My mother sent me to catholic school... I am Living proof that kind of shit (parenting) does not work...
xMeganMayhem 6
39: I really wish I could thumb your comment up more than once. 17: I bet you'll have a great relationship with your daughter in the future. You seem like the type of person that believes adolescents don't deserve any rights until they're eighteen. Like, privacy? Yes, parents should be involved in their kids' lives. But how will they learn to fend for themselves and correct their own mistakes if you're constantly telling them how to live, what to do, where to go, and who to hang out with? They won't know how to react when shit goes wrong in their future because they never got out and made their own decisions. Your kid is another human being, not a dog. Loosen the leash, or she'll probably hate you.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
And people wonder why their kids are so ****** up. If I had parents like you growing up, 17, I'd probably be doing life in prison right now.
cjk_2011 0
Yep my parents were like that..and I got pregnant cuz guess what no matter what u say we're gonna do it anyway!
fmlallthetyme 23
17 - Who are you to say when the proper age to have sex is also? Sure I think that 12-14 is a little too young but some states and places have ages of consent at 16 so how do you know that isn't the right age? Also, who said OP is under 18? You don't have a clue. Stop trying to shove your opinions down others throats. Also, cool story brah. Not.
Llama_Face89 34
If you don't allow your kids to make mistakes now they'll make them when they're older and REALLY **** up their lives. I can vouch for this as someone who's parents were incredibly overbearing. Just make sure to teach your daughter about the risks of sex and let her learn from her mistakes. She'll make them regardless.
nitram06 2
Everyone responding to this Comment is a rebellious kid, and so is a HUGE majority of FML's reader base. While I largely agree, you can't expect to find much sympathy here comment op.
BEASTvela_17 1
GTFO
nitram06 2
This thread is funny. All of these negative responses and their anecdotal evidence, "my parents were really mean and overbearing, so I'm a junked out whiney *****, wah wah.". Maybe there was nothing your parents could have done to help your fail ass.
krazy_guera23 0
You need a life seriously. I feel bad for your child.
laceyanneman 7
You're not her parole officer! You are her mom. You aren't preventing anything you are just prolonging it and you probably have a terrible relationship with her if that's the kind of shit you're pulling
butterz1839 3
I wouldn't wanna be your daughter.....
gatorsfan100 1
You're so far up her ass nobody else can be!!
shootintacos 0
Jump down a hole. now.
jizzwold 21
Personally I feel like you have about twelve years to install a certain value system in your kids. After that the child will already have their own set of values and just because you keep them from doing bad things doesn't mean that now they are some holy virgin. At a certain point they will still be the same shitty person no matter what you control as a parent so why go through all the trouble trying to fix em?
meintx 9
Lol. Yeah my boy friend never ever met me somewhere else. He never came over to my girl friends house. And besides those things aren't always that accurate. Oh by the way, your daughter is not a virgin.
InfinityCross 1
17, you do realize a gps doesn't how you WHAT you're doing. It just shows you WHERE you are. So who is her to know that they were about to have sex?
XxbubblegumkizxX 8
So what happens if your daughter decides she likes girls? Are you gonna keep her away from ALL of her friends?
urlifesuxs1 9
Your daughter hates you. Just saying.
sarahbear992 6
I hope your daughter isn't speaking to you and does things by her own free will. this whole keeping track of where your child is (minus the stalker GPS thing) is currently why I have a horrible relationship with mom. if you would not be so demanding and close-minded with your daughter, she may not feel the need to lie about where she is and what she's doing. give it a rest, kids will always figure out how to get away with things no matter how much you try and smother them.
tateh22 1
**** me, right?
every1luvsboners 11
Wut? Wrong....
gatorsfan100 1
Ok.... When and where?
gatorsfan100 1
Ok.... When and where?
2ndSucks 15
Guess you won't be getting any for awhile. Faptime?
bubblepaarty 5
damn those motherly instincts .
ReesesPuffs 0
You guys are weird.
every1luvsboners 11
If it takes you more than 30 seconds you're doing something wrong, bro.
ikickgingers 15
I always shoot for 15? Shit.
perdix 31
Don't aim so low, Kicky, a fine young lady such as yourself deserves 2 solid minutes of pussy pounding before you get sent to the kitchen for sammich-making and paper towels.
jizzwold 21
10 seconds is my record