Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything…" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as a barista, I tried to be quick during the morning rush. Someone asked for oat milk, so I grabbed the carton without checking. It wasn’t oat milk, it was the cleaning solution bottle we keep under the counter, same shape, same colour cap. Luckily I noticed before serving it, but my manager watched the entire thing in silence. FML
Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
Today, I stopped at the coffee shop before work and confidently ordered "my usual." The barista looked confused but nodded. When my drink came, it was completely wrong. Turns out, I was in the wrong coffee shop. I was too embarrassed to correct them, so I drank a weird matcha-pumpkin spice sludge. FML
Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, I ordered my usual at my local coffee shop. The barista asked, “Name for the order?” For some reason, my brain short-circuited and I said, “Latte.” So they called out “Latte” when it was ready, and I had to shame-walk to the counter. FML
Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed two weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer, so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past three days. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML
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Top comments
mushoo_fml 0
Ah, so you weren't the FIRST to notice that you're fat.
heeheehoo 0
at least she helped some.
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Comments (135)
Rickymonkeypants 0
dude she likes you ....shed 20 pounds and then tap that ass
lickmyjock 0
OP needs a nice velvet strap on first.
Rickymonkeypants 0
no op needs to shed 20 lbs first then strap on
Rickymonkeypants 0
you sir just gave that snicker chick a world class pwn....win
fireandice27 0
Your barista is awesome.
AbOvE_88 0
*stands up, claps and whistles*:)
null_fml 11
No offense to either party, but of all the things we as FML-commenters have argued about since this site began, I think whole vs. skim milk might just take the cake for being the most trivial! *sheds a tear* I'm so proud...
Rickymonkeypants 0
um farmers feed pigs/cows/chickens corn to fatten them up not skim milk along with hormons to turn them into a fatty oh some pigs are fed food grabage along with ground up dead cows and chickens (thank you dirty jobs and food Inc for informing people) and how would you feed them milk? let alone skim milk is Beond me....
CallMeHush 1
Too bad she couldn't have slipped you the diet bearclaw in the morning also. You might not be the load you are today.
IndigoAcrylic 9
Bearclaw? xD LOL
brii1255 0
i agree with 45 and 46 :)
love2bu 0
how is this an fml? she wanted to get you healthier....you should be happy somebody besides your mother takes interest in you :(
xDaBOMBDINGERx 0
Ooh Dry One..!haha