Today, my wife is very insistent that we try to get our boys more involved in her religion, starting with church tomorrow morning. She foolishly trusts our boys to behave. They really don’t want to go and I’m convinced they’re plotting something bad, like real bad, the devious little hooligans. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kids are at the age where they no longer want to go to church, and if I take them anyway, they misbehave on purpose to embarrass me. I don’t even want to go, my wife is the religious one, but if I refuse to go she’ll see to it I get hell on earth daily. FML
Today, my wife (who changed her mind about converting for me after we married) now wants me to set her friends up with guys I grew up with from the same church. She’s offended that my family doesn’t trust her friends, and wants me to be outraged on their behalf. FML
Today, after I recently started going back to church, my husband, who was last inside a church when he was replacing a boiler, told me I’d better knock it off because our kids threatened to stop visiting, and our neighbours think we’re “that couple.” FML
Today, I told my wife I wanted to reconnect with my religion. She told me that if I wanted to I could, but to expect divorce papers when I got back because she doesn’t intend to be married to one of those boring ass religious nut jobs ruining her Sunday mornings. FML
Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML
Today, my daughter was complaining about having no friends. My son told her it’s her own fault for attending church 3 times a week and trying to convert everyone at school like a Jehovah's witness who you can’t shut the door on. He’s 100% right but now she won’t stop crying. FML
Today, my boys get in so much trouble, I don’t even bother checking on them anymore. Instead, every ten minutes, I yell up the stairs to stop whatever they’re doing, and every time without fail they guiltily apologise and try to blame each other/promise to fix it/swear not to do it again. EVERY TIME. FML
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Good for them you should be helping them out religion is nothing but poison and evil.
Crowned Sataness 12
your job is to protect your children. If they are not interested, you tell her no.
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Comments (7)
Charlie Given 28
Good for them you should be helping them out religion is nothing but poison and evil.
Crowned Sataness 12
your job is to protect your children. If they are not interested, you tell her no.
wrecklesswfire 3
let them go so they embarrass her and she never wants them there again
tiptoppc 21
So, she’s trying to brainwash them into a cult-like system? Yeah, screw that noise. Kids are more intune when things are shady than we give them credit for. Invisible man in the clouds that we can’t see or question the fallacy of weird logic? Yeah, sounds like a mass hallucination with peer pressured ideas to accept and destroy lives with some messed up ideas that tells people a certain group of people are worth more than others.
Iamthebanzai22 21
I hope they succeed and I hope it's really epic. Nobody has any right to force their religion upon anyone who doesn't want it.
FluffythePink 23
Anyone else think this guy should come back and let us know what his darling hooligans came up with and whether they got themselves banned or not?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Your sons are now on my Hero List. I think I'll put them third, under Grant Imahara and Batman.