Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML
Today, I stopped at the coffee shop before work and confidently ordered "my usual." The barista looked confused but nodded. When my drink came, it was completely wrong. Turns out, I was in the wrong coffee shop. I was too embarrassed to correct them, so I drank a weird matcha-pumpkin spice sludge. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML
Today, I bought a new cannister and it came with a label that said "Cookies" so I carefully scanned and photoshopped it to say "Coffee". Then I opened the cannister to find 11 double-sided bilingual labels -- including "Coffee". FML
Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML
Today, I had to admit that my coffee addiction is really bad when I woke up in a Starbucks with no memory of how I got there. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
When you're paying $5 for 50 cents worth of coffee, trying to get sweetener packets worth 1 or 2 cents each, it's not clear who's doing the bilking. "Stealing" sweeteners this way is hardly the perfect crime!
sirrubberduckie 37
If you can afford to get Starbucks delivered, you can afford sugar. It's like $2 for 4 lbs. Come on now.
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Comments (8)
Bogrbon 27
That's what you get for trying to bilk a company out of extra peripherals. I assume they include them for your cup of coffee that you're paying them for and generally don't want to pay to subsidize your home coffee...
RichardPencil 32
When you're paying $5 for 50 cents worth of coffee, trying to get sweetener packets worth 1 or 2 cents each, it's not clear who's doing the bilking. "Stealing" sweeteners this way is hardly the perfect crime!
fettslaab 16
Problems, problems.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Have you never been to a Starbucks before? When you order sweeteners, they always put them into the drink. If you want to add your own, you do so at the cream/sugar stand.
sirrubberduckie 37
If you can afford to get Starbucks delivered, you can afford sugar. It's like $2 for 4 lbs. Come on now.
Jonkbaby 23
Like, go to the store
BurnInDemonFire 39
Killer coffee! And I don't mean that in the good sense. Also, Killer Coffee would suck as a rock band name.
wmayrhofer 18
They're onto you - hope you didn't drink it.