Embarrassing, Awkward Work Suspicious

Suspicious

StevieMe - - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Deez nuts

needtoscratch - - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

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Bad hair day

Tony -

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

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Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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Why did you tell me that?

mymomplucksbutthair - - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

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Paranoid

MaddyN - - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

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Broke boy

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

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Say it, don't spray it

... - - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

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Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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Rash decision

FilthyIke - 21/08/2009 20:17 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

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TeenTiger 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:03

Could you tell us the location of your work place so we can all avoid it. Thanks.

VerticalOrbit 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:10

Ok, so, you put your hand IN YOUR PANTS? I'm not a guy, but most guys I've seen that get an itch, usually don't put their hand in their pants. You're doing it wrong.

ned_schneebley 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 0:50

bad. ******. ass.

meepmeep_fml 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 0:52

dude, you should have at least brushed your hands off on your jeans or something. duuuuuude..

xkaokaox 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:00

I agree with #59... can't you scratch outside your pants rather than sticking your hands IN your pants ... YDI

sleepingprincess 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:01

LOL! thats great.

kellster 2

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:03

I was going to ask why you were nude at work, because I assumed that you simply would not have put your hand down your pants in public. If anything, I thought that MAYBE you at least scratched beneath the pants but above your undergarments. Please tell me you were wearing undergarments. But no. All of my hopes have been dashed: apparently you actually DID put your hand down your pants to scratch your hairy balls, then brought it out again and without washing it, then proceeded with what you were doing. I hope your workplace has security cameras and that they saw it all. I am thoroughly revolted.

greedy_dead_soul 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:03

Yeah, why the hell did you actually stick your hand into your pants to scratch your nuts? Just scratch outside for Christ's sake.

wholeon 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:09

I'm with 66... Dear everyone: Keep your hands out of your pants at work please!!! Kthx, everyone else who doesn't want your pubic hairs all over shit It's terrible manners to be scratching your junk in public, at work, anyway, but to actually go IN the pants? Dude. Come on.

jakkal 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:11

Jeez, at least scratch THROUGH the pants. YDI.

cheer_me_up 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 1:18

Hehehehe. That is so funny! But I do agree with everyone that you should scratch on the OUTSIDE of the underwear. I can understand not doing it on the outside of the jeans cause if its a bad itch then the jeans are too dense and you can get adequate scratching (if your at home, but not in public). But not inside the boxers.... bluck. Thats just plain wrong. Oh, and shave your balls. Girls dont like big hairy balls, we like them clean. Thank you!