Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML
Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML
Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML
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Top comments
imsleepingbeauty 0
Sounds like she may be into some kinda kinky shit, literally.
av232 0
haha way to ruin the moment
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Comments (126)
amstillives 0
Go take a lap..
prettypride 0
lol ewwww.
judgeymcjudge 0
Now THAT is a conversation.
Austine19 0
lol poopypants
sayhello_fml 0
I don't think she was into you.
shortshan 0
That's what I was gonna say. If a girl does something like that, unless she's just plain weird, she's probably giving you a HUGE sign! Warning: Do not proceed. I would think that would turn most guys off. And rightly so.
Jezlovespink 5
Thats wat I used to do if I did not like a guy and I knew he was into me, so I would say.wierd crap just so.he would leave me alone/not like me!!!
laurisshnazzy 0
She's a keeper.
Jimboom 12
nuttin wrong with that. As long as she did a considerate flush halfway through. In a house that only has one bathroom this is sometimes a necessary evil. Though you can be mean about it if your that way inclined and wait til the other person is in the bath before you go have a shit. :P
Nightfallz 0
how is this a fml?? omg I was hanging out with a cute girl and she started to make conversation. you suck
musicismyplane 0
No. You suck.
phatdaddy 0
no. YOU suck!!!
greenmonxster 0
no you suck
diabetic_rage 0
Run away. Far away.
Darth_Taco 14
At least you can't accuse her of being boring :D. My boyfriend loves to call or text me when he's pooping XP. We now have a code for it. Whenever he's pooping, he texts or calls me to tell me that he's cheating on me. At least I can say that he likes to involve me in everything xD. I love that weirdo. Anyway, gonna talk to her again? :D I also have to mention that I added this to my favorites!
Metronomy_fml 0
ever think maybe he's actually cheating on you?
nike1 0
why would he telel her that while he's takin' a sh*t?
phatdaddy 0
one of these days, he's going to text you that when he actually IS cheating on you, and when you find out, he's gonna be all like, "Dude, I told you that 2 months ago! Don't you remember? You seemed OK with it at the time..."
thecheekyone 0
LMAO that is classic, I wonder if I could use that line and get away with it. But seriously, why does he feel the need to tell you hes takening a shit? Or am I the only one thinking that is weird?
a1mostevi1 0
so if he calls you and says hes taking a shit.... is that bad?
OldSoul_ 0
Now watch, in a couple of weeks, "Today, my boyfriend told me he was cheating on me..."
hanzoo 0
I definitely think it's weird hahaa