Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML
Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML
Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_Deserved_It 10
... how could you not have known that? Oh, and YDI for drunk driving.
kscott88 0
You're an idiot for multiple reasons. A) Driving drunk B) Not knowing that most mouthwashes have a high alcohol content C) Keeping mouthwash for emergency reasons
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (250)
argentos 0
you're an idiot for drinking and driving and for not knowing alcohol is in Listerine, how old are you? and blowing a 2.34? yea ok i'm sure that happened, unless you spit the Listerine in the breathalizer it would never get that high
ArbiterOfFML 24
2.37
atty11 0
i was going to call you a dumbass, but #1-7 pretty much nailed it.
Shotta 3
Lol. FYL for forgetting Listerine had alcohol in it and YDI for drinking and driving.
chickitychina 0
2.34 would be way past dead.
ArbiterOfFML 24
2.37
alyssamarie218 0
EVERYBODY knows that. you're an idiot. YDI completely
Electrus 0
In 2006, 13,491 people died as a result of a drunk driver. In 2007, 12,998 people died of the same thing. Screw you.
Fredzter 0
YDI... Don't drink and drive, smoke and fly :D
cheeseballs 0
ur a moron for not knowing that
sydneybristow 0
what an idiot! who doesn't know alcohol is an ingredient in mouthwash!!! plus drinking and driving is the stupidest thing you can do!!!
jadeddream 0
Wow, way to go. You definitely deserve it. Besides, that's what cinnamon gum is for, not listerine.