Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, my boss admitted that he seriously regrets hiring me, but can't really do anything about it because that would make the senior management question his judgment, making him look bad. So he's just 'putting up' with me. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML
Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you'll be labeled as someone with a short temper. However, the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML
Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
justcommenting19 19
Remember being happy = being high.
LuxTheSarcastic 23
Yikes.. he sounds rather paranoid. At least you weren't actually doing drugs but I'd seriously consider whether or not to stay there
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (17)
pjsr 33
Perhaps you need to look into hearing aids?
Fairyjoshy 13
Or... perhaps his boss needs to look into a diction class? Most people aren't as legible as they believe themselves to be.
GhostFox 34
I don't think you can read sounds, so I think you mean intelligible instead of legible. that said, I agree that many people over credit how understandable their speech is.
wordygirl 11
You poor thing!! That's terrible!!!
TDog3337 12
context???
TripleDallas123 15
Well, you shouldn't be scared of anything, unless you're doing drugs.
Love_L0ST 13
Punctuation please! I could barley read this after my 5th time reading through it!
MGKirby 5
No one can force you to do a drug test, it's a violation of your right to avoid unreasonable search and seizure.
whiskeyisamazing 13
#31 I have to correct you so someone doesn't claim this at work. What you said is dependent upon the country you live in. If you live in the United States (as I do) there are few federal laws that address this, but there are state laws. In my state (Minnesota) you can be asked by an employer to submit to a drug test if there is a "reasonable suspicion that: the employee is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, the employee has violated the employer’s drug policy the employee has been involved in an accident, or the employee has sustained or caused another employee to sustain a personal injury." So basically the OP's employer could absolutely request that he submit to a drug test in my state. In fact upon further research in Texas there is: "Texas legislation does not address drug testing in private employment. This means that employers are free to require or ask employees and applicants to take a drug test, as long as they don’t run afoul of other legal protections." So basically this is not a 4th amendment issue. You can refuse the test, but based on established case law you will likely not win.
RichardPencil 32
You're funny. It's cute that you believe in rights. I'll bet you believe that people are "basically good?" Hahaha!