Today, I had to convince policemen I’m not a victim of domestic abuse after I had to go to hospital for a stab wound for the second time since Xmas. I’m just hopelessly clumsy. I managed to stab myself with a screwdriver while opening a paint tin. Last time, it was a knitting needle while knitting Xmas jumpers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was rushing with the dishes when I scraped against a very sharp knife, which left a noticeable cut right down my wrist. No one believes my story that it was a freak kitchen accident, they think that I’m either an attention seeking fucknut, or crying out for help. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, I rented a holiday cottage, assuring the owner I was a very tidy person. Then I sliced my finger while cooking and got blood on the kitchen towels and the cream rug, then the wound opened up again during my shower, I didn’t notice and now there’s blood on the white bathroom towels. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
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Top comments
Matt Much 12
I gotta ask. How bad did you stab yourself in these situations? I've done stupid stuff and stuck myself with a screw driver, nothing I couldn't fix with a good cleaning, pressure and a dressing.
Jesse Duff 15
when opening a paint can, like cutting open a box, always aim away
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Comments (4)
Chazzster 32
That degree of clumsiness sounds like it could be a medical situation. You should see a doctor and tell them about your problems. I hope something can be done to help you.
Jesse Duff 15
when opening a paint can, like cutting open a box, always aim away
Matt Much 12
I gotta ask. How bad did you stab yourself in these situations? I've done stupid stuff and stuck myself with a screw driver, nothing I couldn't fix with a good cleaning, pressure and a dressing.
Reggie89 2
look on the bright side at least they care