Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I popped something straight out of the oven into my mouth. It burned my tongue instantly, but instead of spitting it out, I swallowed. I felt it burning all the way down. Now I can’t eat solid food or drink hot drinks. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
Burn, burn, burn, the burning ring of fire.
liquidSELECT 0
Your a nice guy for eating it :D your a good guy
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Comments (127)
PinkFun1969 9
I guess you guys can just eat out. Lol. I try to cook light on the spice and let the person add what they like in hot sause. Tell your GF to try that next time.
j_cat187 20
It appears your anus has suffered a mechanical failure. Might I recommend a cork?
Ray_of_midnight 23
Let me guess, you're in the new Terence and Philip movie, "Asses of Fire"?
Chad_the_Brony 0
That sounds like good chili. I want to try some now. What alarm would you say it would be?
False_Stupidity 42
Let's go with.. Fire Alarm!
blueknight1st 26
The way this FML reads the OP sounds like a lightweight so I wouldn't be asking them at all.
False_Stupidity 42
I wonder if burns hotter than Satans ass gas.
lethal_judgement 1
Rotel from hell
hinchkongfang 0
Is that an xray of a butt plug in an anus??
mnsnwnd 3
Where you gonna go when the volcano blows?
blueknight1st 26
What the hell are you people talking about? I eat extremely spicy food all the time and not once has it burned on it's way out.
bubo_fml 11
My advice...If you share a meal then retire to the bedroom, take anal play off the menu!!