Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML
Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML
Today, visiting my partner’s family for the first time, I offered to help cook, saying I could chop the vegetables. Five minutes later, I nicked my finger, dropped the knife, and instinctively said a very loud curse word in front of their very traditional grandparents. Everyone froze while someone went to get me a bandage. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Oh Irony thou art a cruel bitch! Though you could have saved it by saying "You see? I did that for your benefit to show you what happens when you don't pay attention while using a knife".
Good_old_Grim 8
Yeah, what #2 said... or just drop to the ground screaming and trying to get blood on as much of anything as possible. See how careful the kids would be with knives after that.
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Comments (56)
TheAntiComment 0
"Today my brother was giving me a lesson on knife safety. I already had knife safety in elementary school, and I knew he was using the knife improperly. I let him do it his own way. He cut himself, and while he was bandaging it up, my mom told me that I should give him a knife lesson later. FML"
greenman_fml 0
At least you're not as bad as this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE3QAeYRk-A
lollipopz8988 0
you should've just pretended like you did it on purpose to show them what happens when you aren't careful.
BlondePsycho 43
Ouch. I actually remember my mom doing something along the same lines when I was like 6. She was telling me I had to be very careful with the milk glasses and dropped one as she was telling me not to.
i_am_not_me 0
Kinda like when I was laughing about a coworker not being allowed to slice deli yet, figuring he'd cut himself on the slicer...and later that day I did. (******* shaved salami)
batch56 0
These ironic FMLs are getting pretty boring.
_Coolness_ 0
Ouch, The fact that you are contradictory isn't an FML.. But if you really sliced your hand OPEN thats a fml.. What the heckk did you hand look like a potato?? =)
summer66_fml 0
that happened to a police officer who tried to teach gun safety and shot himself in the leg after saying he was the only one in the room qualified to handle that gun
kkkristennnn 0
big deal, this isn't a fml. get a bandaid.
h4hagen 0
This also happened at the ER my brother works at -a guy was teaching people proper safety with one of those meat thin slicers (slice a ham into lunch meat etc.) and he sliced his hand instead of the ham.