Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML
Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique, and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
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Top comments
zezili 18
Tbh he sounds like the sort of guy who’s going to have a few sexual mishaps and fumblings in his life, so people will soon figure out that he’s full of shit and you’ll get your rep back. Honestly, just tell the truth if anyone brings it up, but otherwise try not to worry about it. Going on the defensive will just look like you’ve got something to hide, so people will believe him as a result. Dw OP, this will pass.
Allie614032 34
Don't worry, rumours pass. Just tell the truth about what actually happened, and anyone who believes him over you isn't worth your time anyway.
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Comments (23)
zeffra13 31
This isn’t high school anymore, rumors will die out. Don’t worry about it too much, OP.
Chazzster 32
What an amazing klutz that guy has to have been to do that! Do not sweat it, somebody clumsy and stupid enough to do that is going to have a reputation for being an idiot.
Morgan Barrett 13
"The first guy I tried to have sex with" says it all. So you went to university to sleep around. Nice priorities.
Platinum1Vortex 4
Wow
Firestar268 25
Some dudes just don't deserve girls
That guy 1
Stories go both ways, since you've supposedly bitten his extra long foreskin apparently his penis is too small to find amongst it.