Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys, and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour, before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML
Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML
Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML
Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
Today, I thought I'd be a suave gentleman by opening the car door for my date. The handle came off in my hand, and I had to spend the next 15 minutes pretending I was doing an impromptu repair on my piece of shit car, when I had no idea what I was doing. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML
Today, while leaving late for work, I walked out to my car only to find the back window broken. Worst part was, I still had to go to work because no one who could cover me showed up. FML
Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML
Today, I showed up to an important meeting 20 minutes late, claiming I couldn't find my keys. They were in my hand the whole time, and I realized it just as I reached for the doorknob. Everyone saw me pause mid-step, staring at my hand in disbelief. FML
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Top comments
Legendslayer222 26
Sounds like it was a great day out! :D
mandee612 15
Where exactly did you lose your keys if you broke down?
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Comments (30)
Witchcraft_fml 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Moron.
amypr 20
Agreed. Did you not notice that you were alone? And that no one was performing? I don't see how this could have happened, no way would it take more than 5 minutes for OP to figure this out. I call shenanigans.
amypr 20
Agreed. Did you not notice that no one else was there to take the ticket? Or that no one was performing> I don't see how this could have happened, no way would it take more than 5 minutes for OP to figure this out. I call shenanigans.
juicedboi 7
Well now you can show people how to blow into their thumb and make your hand bigger. That or how to slam your hand in a door. The latter would be more entertaining.
RabidBunny 10
Places...don't you hate having to be at them?
Legendslayer222 26
Sounds like it was a great day out! :D
Nevitt 9
your hand will be fine, just slap a bandaid on there, you'l be fine... bandaids heal everything NO EXCEPTIONS
sxe_beast 11
Yes, adhesive bandages fix broken hands and broken egos.
RetardedBullFrog 4
Wrong . . . you don't use band aid to heal a broken hand (assuming it is), are you crazy? You use duct tape for that. Duct tape fixes everything.
hendersh 0
If duct tape, band-aid's or Kool- Aid Jammers can't fix it, you've got a real situation.
zephyrnok 9
Nice dress rehearsal.
mandee612 15
Where exactly did you lose your keys if you broke down?
that_is_Nathy 9
You're obviously not so talented in remembering dates
iAmScrubs 19
The talent show may be tomorrow, but what you just did had to take a lot of talent.
perdix 31
Tell them your shtick is slapstick comedy based on X-treme punctuality and self-mutilation. You'll win hands down! Gnarled, bloody hands, that is.
chippa 24
Hah, I had a dream like this the other night. :)