Today, my two month-old continued teething. Her mouth is too small for teethers and pacifiers because she’s small for her age, she only thing giving her relief is using my breast as a teether. I’m cut and bruised, and there's no end in sight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML
Today, I lost a tooth and got my jaw wired shut after my toddler managed to break my jaw by whacking me with a plastic toy. Hello at least 8 weeks of being unable to talk while only eating meals that have been thoroughly blitzed into a liquid form first. FML
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML
Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML
Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML
Today, my 5-year-old got his first loose tooth, which reminded me that loose teeth give me the worst freaking heebie-jeebies. FML
Today, I woke up at 4 a.m., my back sore from being twisted like a pretzel due to my toddler. I successfully moved him, then my sick baby woke up, tried to nurse, screamed because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, screamed because I suctioned his nose, tried to nurse a blanket, then screamed when I offered him an actual boob. FML
Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML
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Top comments
slhiggx 17
Get a bottle nipple to teeth on. Anything logical besides your breasts.
Yudith 28
Your baby is teething at two months? That's extraordinary! Are you sure she's not a changeling or a witch? Anyway, try Playtex bottles, their nipple is smaller and more breastlike.
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Comments (8)
slhiggx 17
Get a bottle nipple to teeth on. Anything logical besides your breasts.
RichardPencil 32
Tough *******!
Yudith 28
Your baby is teething at two months? That's extraordinary! Are you sure she's not a changeling or a witch? Anyway, try Playtex bottles, their nipple is smaller and more breastlike.
phile 15
Careful buddy I heard the human bite is 2nd most dangerous bite i forgot what was first
wookieewhosshe 29
its the camel, fun fact
lalalaila777 24
try camilia, naturally helps soothe the baby teething irritation. it is for 1+ month, has helped me tremendously in breastfeeding a teething toddler who also started teething very early on. good luck mama!
bradG 9
Cherry pacifiers from nuk were amazing for my preemie
Tee Wallisaurusrex 13
freeze a damp facewasher and let the minion chew on that. works a treat.
IHaveThePower 18
Washcloths, frozen vegetables, and dog toys all come in small enough versions for her to nibble on and not you.