Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML
Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML
Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML
Today, I was potty-training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML
Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML
Today, I was peeing when I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside, I got a new look. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML
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Top comments
Ging3rSnap 9
I'd be pissed!
Atomic_Mushroom 14
Lemon Flavoured!
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Comments (34)
FSGInsainity 15
Was it tasty?
ThrottleJockey 36
I'd tell him to piss off but he may take it literally.
RememberSchlitz 9
There are times it should be OK to smack a child. Not permanent-injury hard, but leave-a-red-mark-and-a-vivid-memory hard. "Sweetie, it's not OK to give your uncle urine-soaked gum" just doesn't make the point.
mineller 24
Reason #371814 why I'm not having kids
JustThatPerson 21
That's alot of reasons.
mineller 24
Kids are horrible
JustThatPerson 21
Remember, you've been one too.
mineller 24
Yeah? And I was horrible. What's your point?
JustThatPerson 21
Just saying. Didn't mean to insult anyone.
sarahlwatson24 6
I'm sorry, but that's one of the funniest things I've heard all day
JustThatPerson 21
At least you know it's not picked up from the ground.
classicsparkles 17
I would have spat it out and stuck it in his hair. If being a big sister taught me one thing it's to have no shame taking revenge on someone younger.
assassinmaster 22
Must resist pissing into his little ***** mouth...
Liammg 12
somehow i read nephew as boss, well you would understand the confusion that followed
Jaadde 24
If he's not one to share you should definitely have known there would be something wrong with it..