Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML
Today, at work in the emergency department, we had several young people come in with heart palpitations. These idiots decided to mix pre-workout with Red Bull instead of water. I’m amazed none of them died. FML
Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML
Today, I was at work and got chest pains and a headache so bad, I vomited. My supervisor took my blood pressure twice and it was dangerously high both times. I went to the hospital, and after 3 hours of waiting, I got the most expensive lecture ever on drinking too many energy drinks. FML
Today, after my 22-year-old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, my sister decided that it would be a great idea to give my almost two-year-old son some strong black coffee. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
XRP123 11
What is dumber than 1 boy? 2 boys together. I learned that in many years of coaching boys hockey.
RichardPencil 32
They're in a latte trouble! Your little brewed of idiots should be grounded. I'll bet you are steamed and frothing at the mouth.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
XRP123 11
What is dumber than 1 boy? 2 boys together. I learned that in many years of coaching boys hockey.
RichardPencil 32
They're in a latte trouble! Your little brewed of idiots should be grounded. I'll bet you are steamed and frothing at the mouth.
MidnaLink 35
At least it wasn't alcoohol.
Chazzster 32
It could have been worse. Hopefully your sons will learn from this the dangers of a “dare” or “challenge” or peer pressure. Either that or they might not survive into adulthood without acquiring either a permanent injury or an addiction they have trouble escaping. I seriously hope they learn from this.
great_nate 26
If you think that you are pissed now, wait until the ER bill comes.
diraven 15
probably just trying to build up a tolerance for when they get office jobs
bobsanction 18
Why would they want a tolerance? Having a low tolerance is better. Get more effect for less drink.
IHaveThePower 18
On the other hand, it's caffeine--they'll learn their lesson without potential fatality. So while your kids are idiots, they're at least sensible enough not to go after booze like that, and that WILL end much better in the future.