Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about five minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom, so we stopped and she left the room. After waiting around ten minutes, I decided to check if she was OK. The window was open. She was gone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML
Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML
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Top comments
wholeon 0
I have my doubts about this one. 1. Many bathroom windows don't open, and even i they do, they are way too small to crawl out of. 2. Are we supposed to believe that a girl crawled out the window of your home and left buck-ass naked? Wouldn't you know something was up if she collected all her clothes off your floor first? What about her keys/purse/etc? 3. Why wouldn't she just go out the door? This just makes no sense...
SoBlonde_fml 0
Wow, she actually used the window. She didn't take the front door route. That's intense.
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Comments (176)
swkisses5 0
this sounds like some shit they would use in a family guy episode on meg lmfao
bulll_crap 0
that what happen when u have a small dick
Corneliu99 0
Lie
NightSkyx 0
it make sense... If your a ninja!
valri3 0
LMAO she gave you AIDS
cindayy77 0
#6, her clothes might've been in the bathroom
Kittcatz38 0
she probably was wearing clothes..if he has anyone that lives with him she wouldnt want to walk to the bathroom naked
bobsters 0
That's crazy....
newmandotcom 6
Lies!!!! You can't even last 15 seconds let alone 5 minutes.
jmrico 0
I'm kinda stingy with my favors , but I hate hurting feelings so this one time me and this guy were making out and he thought he was going to get some but I told him to get A condom which were in the other room (and I knew this) He left and I never ran so fast out the front door before, clothes in hand and dressed behind some cars in the parking lot. It was night time thank God, called a friend to come get me and while hiding heard the guy scream up and down the parking lot for me. Turned out he thought i thought he was raping me and I was going to call the cops, lmao! Good times, good times :)
Fou_Lou 20
Or in short. Youre an asshole.