Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a walk when I saw a man dump a bag of trash into the creek. Furious, I shouted at him, and when he shoved me, I threw him into the creek. Later, I was arrested and charged with battery. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML
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Top comments
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Let him. But warn him that if the newspapers get hold of the case he'll been known as dogshit face for the rest of his life.
Brightside86 31
Given you're the one who escalated to violence I wouldn't be surprised if you lost. Though not a lawyer so who knows.
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Comments (7)
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Let him. But warn him that if the newspapers get hold of the case he'll been known as dogshit face for the rest of his life.
JackWood 21
You could have just stopped him. You didn't have to assault him.
tiptoppc 21
I…. Disagree. They will never learn if they don’t get punished for their transgressions. I side with OP. That kid is a total ********
Attacksloth32 7
Well now he definitely is one.
Brightside86 31
Given you're the one who escalated to violence I wouldn't be surprised if you lost. Though not a lawyer so who knows.
Wadlaen 24
in this case, if he's traumatized, I'd say he deserves to be!
Charlie Given 28
Please 🙏 do a follow up we wanna know what happened??? 🙂
RawrXD 4
I imagine you can claim self-defense since he was going to light it up
tiptoppc 21
Arson can turn into murder pretty quickly if you think about it..
RichardPencil 32
Don't worry. He won't be a reliable witness in court. When the incident allegedly occurred, he was totally... ...wait on it... ...shit-faced.