Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML
Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML
Today, after I recently took our kids to a fair and they both turned out to be scared of clowns, and because the fair was my idea, my wife has told me there will be no sex at all until the kids stop having clown-themed nightmares every night. Two weeks so far and god only knows how long still to go. FML
Today, because my husband wasn’t paying attention, he gave our 6 year-old his Netflix instead of the kid safe settings, so she watched a very gory horror film that has given her nightmares, so I now haven’t slept in 5 nights because of it. My husband face sleeps soundly through her screaming. FML
Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML
Today, as a prank, I told my husband I was going to sleep alone in the spare room, just to see his panicked reaction. Not only did he not panic, he agreed straight away, then an hour later announced he was going to bed a whole three hours earlier than normal. I can hear him in there, watching TV, eating snacks. FML
Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
GoldenGirl83 0
lmfao. He sounds kool.
Dude_fml 0
crazy dad. At least the monsters are not under the bed.
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Comments (148)
Roseyro 0
Thats not really an fml.....well maybe for the kids
Kiereek 0
that would actually be pretty funny...you should videotape it. the kids will love that later in life :) however...i think it's completely heartbreaking that you would put your name as "divorcemenow".... that's cruel and heartless. your husband should write a FML about how "Today, my wife considered divorcing me because i played a prank on the kids. FML" you must be real tight with him
sacredpoppy 0
I agree. The OP is a total drama queen. Unfortunately, she has people backing her up... like the oh-so-sensitive Jari, whose brother was viciously attacked by a stuffed animal and is now terrified of monkeys.
tonia_fml 0
lmao not gonna lie. that's funny
Terilyn4500 0
hahah thats funny but not a FML
kellbelle26 0
I seriously don't understand how posts like these get accepted... how is this an FML?
babazad3h 0
what does OP stand for???
stargazer89 0
sounds a lot like what joe jackson did to michael when he was a kid. wrong source of inspiration, i say. hahaha. regardless, jari's brother seems to be a little wimp.
DirtyParkBench 0
YDI. Your kids are young enough to still be scared by "monsters" and not realize that it's a gorilla mask? Then they shouldn't be camping by themselves, even if it's in the backyard.
mister_moops 0
when i have kids i will do things like this.
isnt_it_ironic 0
YOUR HUSBAND ROCKS!!!! I hope the man I marry has that kind of humour!!!!! Awesome!!