Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Let's see what the judges have to say. I know Paula liked it. She's drunk so she likes everything.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
You should give him another chance. Who knows? Maybe he'll crawl into the fetal position next time.
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Comments (175)
rayofsunahine25 4
LOL this sounds like my ex. a few seconds you mean 10 right?
MaceFaceLOL 8
Did he have a nap today?
DomoLaDii 8
omfg lol sucks for the first time for u with him! haha.
bubo_fml 11
It's not like he's performing a Paganini Violin Concerto @ the Met....Practice makes perfect, so have him take another whack at it. Speaking of which, if he doesn't deal w/ his performance anxiety, he'll only be able to whack himself, (if you know what I mean!)
shanemc1991 0
What the hell is buff naked?
TheCure941 0
Isn't it "Butt" naked?
brock329 3
Doesn't matter had sex !
Sniffaluffagus 0
It happens.to the best of us...lol
DJDude_Arazely 10
us? The "best?" O.o Meaning you've used that same excuse, huh? >:D
reebokah27 5
That blows. Better luck next time
1a2b3c4d5e678D 0
What would happen in the first couple of seconds that could be comparable to any other time????