Today, after getting fed up with my girlfriend ignoring me about drinking caffeine while carrying my baby, I tried to fix it by secretly switching her coffee with decaf. Apparently she found out, before telling me she’s leaving me for someone “less controlling.” FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend, after 9 months of coffee shop dates and sharing bottles of wine, relaxing, expressing our love for each other, decided it was time to end our relationship by telling me that she actually wasn't happy, and had her and all of her friends and family block me on every social media. FML
Today, I realized that having someone crazy about you is no fun when they’re actually crazy. My girlfriend tried to physically fight the barista at Starbucks for offering us a wrong made drink for free. She thought the girl was flirting with me and tried to jump the counter. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got up, dressed, and dealt with the kids. I had to be somewhere so I poured coffee for her and me and started eating my breakfast. She got offended, refused to drink coffee with me, and has been ignoring me since. She regularly starts eating before I sit down. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, my ex called me, apologetic about her mistakes, and saying she realised she wants to be with me. I eventually agreed to coffee, just to see if the old spark was still there. I ended up leaving after 0.0000005 seconds. She was 6 months pregnant with some other dude's baby. I wasted my afternoon for this shit. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
Today, I found out why my fiancé has been treating me like garbage lately. He thought that me getting fed up and dumping him would save him the unpleasant task of having to confess to the affair he’s been having with his coworker. We’re expecting our baby girl in 4 months. FML
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend trying to dispose of several empty alcohol bottles, leading to a discussion how dating me and putting up with my insanity has given him a drinking problem just so he can get through the day. Me catching him seemed to be the wake up call he needed, because he dumped me. FML
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Top comments
maverick83 15
She's right. Your baby? It's her baby too, and her body. If this is a major issue, you should have sorted it out beforehand. You can try to convince her all you want, but what she consumes is ultimately her decision, and you've got no right to make it for her, like you tried to.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I totally understand, but I think you should have consulted a doctor with her. It might have been more influential coming from a physician.
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Comments (3)
maverick83 15
She's right. Your baby? It's her baby too, and her body. If this is a major issue, you should have sorted it out beforehand. You can try to convince her all you want, but what she consumes is ultimately her decision, and you've got no right to make it for her, like you tried to.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I totally understand, but I think you should have consulted a doctor with her. It might have been more influential coming from a physician.
Hangryko 32
It's caffeine, not ****ing meth. Get a goddamn grip. Also, it's not just "your" baby. Get therapy for your control issues.