Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispered to me, "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party." There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML
Today, I got sick with a high fever. My boyfriend was so sweet and attentive, which I loved, until he said he wanted sex while I was feverish. Apparently, "fucking a girl who's running a fever feels amazing." FML
Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like, but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML
Today, I threw up during sex. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
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Top comments
jadedwaitress 0
No holiday is an excuse to act slutty. Halloween may have the opportunity to dress slutty but it doesn't mean you have to **** everything with legs. I was in a relationship for four halloweens with the same guy and I never ****** anyone but him. Sloppy drunk girls are disgusting
perdix 31
Maybe she wanted you to not be there, like you weren't there at the party. You probably should have guessed *********** and gone for it. After you bust a big, fat nut all over her face, that's when you find out what happened at the party.
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Comments (63)
omghehehe 0
what?! did someone steal ur costume??!! :)
Dubstep_fml 1
oh so that was your girlfriend? by the way, the halloween party was hella fun, sorry you couldnt be there.
clccvideo 0
drunk college **** on your hands. drop her before she gives you an STD
3_Kitten_3 0
Oh my...that is all I can say
jchansfan 0
She must be really stupid. Sorry dude. =(
ClownSmilely 0
ah I pitty your poor soul that you can't read between the lines and see that see is making goo goo eyes at another now. if not then these are called early warning signs dawg. let me know if you wanna have her tracked afterall a clown isn't gonna stick out in a crowd
ClownSmilely 0
this is for number#22 are you single??
jb711 0
Well did you at least **** her before you said anything? One last good go at it?
Skull_300 0
You should have Donkey Punched her to see if that would knock her memory loose!!!
tomandhicky 0
you know what you should have done then...shoved your dick in her mouth give me a call sometime 07764145832