Today, I was working as a host at a pasta diner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He's 6'2 and I'm 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML
Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML
Today, while working as a waitress, an attractive woman sat at one of my tables. When she paid, I decided to be bold and write my number and "Call me" on her receipt. She put in a complaint to my manager. FML
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my mother, where the waiter complimented my "wife". I'm not 18, and she's over 40. FML
Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
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Top comments
BigBen7 0
She shoulda kicked you in the balls lol
Qup 0
live and learn, eh? hopefully you will start seeing people for who they are and not for what they look like. you're pathetic.
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Comments (135)
Missy5683 0
your an ass for saying that... you should have been fired
xAvaricex 1
why are a lot of people calling the guy an ass he was making a joke and a funny one at that if it offended anyone then they just need to get over it. i mean come on if its funny its funny no matter if its insulting or not
fuzzybear14 0
after she sed that u shud have sed : so u can sit with her...
fml_mu 10
You deserve it for laughing at some1. Maybe one day it will be your turn or some1of ur own... Then u see how it feels...
scifichic92 8
So rude.
marramrammar 2
She maybe joking!
TheCatSniffer 18
Coming from someone who has a big mom I would have cut your penis off and shoved it down your throat
D3ATHZ3RO 15
Ass hat
cwl727 33
Idiot.
hayleymarmar 1
that would've been easy to save. You should've said something like, "I know it's your mom. that's why I wanted to give her two chairs; so you could sit with her."