Today, I was working as a host at a pasta diner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He's 6'2 and I'm 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML
Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML
Today, while working as a waitress, an attractive woman sat at one of my tables. When she paid, I decided to be bold and write my number and "Call me" on her receipt. She put in a complaint to my manager. FML
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my mother, where the waiter complimented my "wife". I'm not 18, and she's over 40. FML
Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
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Top comments
BigBen7 0
She shoulda kicked you in the balls lol
Qup 0
live and learn, eh? hopefully you will start seeing people for who they are and not for what they look like. you're pathetic.
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Comments (135)
Dr_Know 0
Sorry *misunderstood I really should proof read!
martic835 2
YDI for being a douche.
dsegui4 0
hahahahaa FYL!!!! omg that's f***ing hilarious
GrammarFailure 0
FFFFFFail.
xXscream_girlXx 0
wooooow..... your a dick.
conniebaby67 0
I just did the groceries and filled our large stand up freezer, MY 24 yr old son had clothes all over the floor and a shirt caught in the door, All the food is defrosted FML
MaCOOLiT 5
you totally f'ing deserve it for trying to be cute by putting someone else down. fag!
love_never_fails 2
you're an asshole
kamorte121212 6
doooooooouchebag
Littlebrraatt 14
#47 she could also have a medical problem that makes her fat and unable to contral losing weight. U and OP are ass holes.
greeneye_fml 12
Yeah ******* right. Every fatass uses that lame excuse.