Today, I found out that my father is telling people that we sometimes sleep with each other, meaning it literally. He knows the figurative meaning of that phrase, but insists that “not everyone has a dirty mind.” Thankfully, since I’m an adult he won’t get into legal trouble, but still, ewww. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML
Today, I found out my mom is sleeping with my boss. My dad doesn’t know yet. FML
Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML
Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around when her dad burst in, proclaimed an, “Aha! I caught you you pervert!” moment and threw me out of the house. We’re in our 30s with kids, and jointly own that house. Having a father in law with Alzheimer's is great isn’t it? Just fecking great. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
actually he can still get in trouble as incest is illegal in pretty much every state. you may want to explain this to him, before someone calls the cops on him.....and you
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Why would you sleep with your dad anyway? If you're old enough to know what the insinuation is and to be on this site, you're old enough to sleep in your own bed and not with your parent(s) like a five-year-old.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
Sagar Nair 12
The figurative meaning of calling someone “Daddy” reaches a whole new level right here
Jon Tessler 14
actually he can still get in trouble as incest is illegal in pretty much every state. you may want to explain this to him, before someone calls the cops on him.....and you
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Why would you sleep with your dad anyway? If you're old enough to know what the insinuation is and to be on this site, you're old enough to sleep in your own bed and not with your parent(s) like a five-year-old.
wrenavery90 12
I'm trying to figure out why you're sleeping with your father?