My son the moron

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

Priorities

Today, I was sent by my mother and her boyfriend to pick up some take-out. After getting the food, I began to turn out once the traffic light was green. An asshole cop sped past the red light and slammed into my car, totaling it. When I called my house, my mom's boyfriend asked, "Where's our dinner?" I'm fine, by the way. FML

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

Today, after a relaxing week away, my husband and I came home to discover our 17 year old son crashed one of our cars against the other. FML