Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I found out that my mom withdrew me from karate at the insistence of my my fucking stepdad, who's a wimpy sissy pacifist who is against violence. I was so close to getting my black belt. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Today, my 14 year-old son asked to join my buddies and me at the gun range. The second I finished the safety lecture and handed him a pistol, he started twirling it on his finger (thankfully, it was unloaded). I smacked him in the head and took him home. Now he's moping and sulking like a bitch. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
He does have a point. There’s no way a jury is going to believe you “accidentally” did a jiu-jitsu move that killed him. Jus’ sayin’.
manb91uk 22
Your dad’s an idiot
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (26)
acmariner99 25
My best friend does jiujitsu, I own and carry a gun. I’m armed, he’s dangerous, your dad is a jerk.
Tristan DaSilva 1
get him in a rear naked choke that he can't escape from and that'll teach him to shut his mouth.
somedudesomewher 29
Tell that to frikkin' Batman
JudgeComrade 17
He is statistically correct - the best kind of correct. Also, jiu jitsu involves too much hugging.
UselessWeeaboo1 21
Your dad is wrong. Martial arts are ******* awesome.
Cubanloverllera 12
my fiancé has been doing bjj since he was 6, his hands are classified as weapons
carandcartoonfan 1
hey you should still practice jiu-jitsu lessons so you attack your dad
CoyoteOldOne 17
So, somehow having a gun makes you not a pussy. That's interesting. See, I've met several people who thought having a gun made them powerful, but that was _because_ they were ******* that they thought that.
Maddie Bunker 1
The two really go hand in hand. Learning how to shoot and any kind of hand to hand grappling. They compliment each other. One is very close range and the other is mid-Long range. I do both (own a gun/know how to shoot and Judo) it’s a good balance.