Mr College Station, US 29 years-old Single
Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML
Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML
Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML
Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML
Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML
Today, I found a 2-page letter nailed to the door of my car demanding that I break up with my girlfriend, Janet, so that a "real man" can date her instead. I’m a single straight woman and I don’t know anybody called Janet. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML
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