Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried making homemade bread, just for fun. My girlfriend started yelling that we had perfectly good bread from the store, "but noooo, my boyfriend just HAS to make his own bread!" She ended up ruining the experience, so I just threw the dough in the garbage and went to get drunk. FML
Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML
Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML
Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Astrum14 24
You should inform her that there is a major psychological aspect to erectile dysfunction. If you're constantly worried about getting it up, you'll have a more difficult time getting it up. Comments like that will just make it worse.
annoyed146578 12
Maybe it's time to get a new wife!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
EbyKat 16
Check out the advice of Dan Savage. He not only has a column in TheStranger but also a podcast. Get yourself some side tail. My partner and I have a Very satisfying intimate life even with the limitations of his whole "no sex before marriage" beliefs. It is an adjustment but it totally works. If she can't respect you some serious changes need to be made.
vlalam 24
wow, how rude and inconsiderate of her.. she seems no where to be supportive to make this marriage work
Artemishuntress 8
I hate women like that they make us seem bad, op please explain why u married her
Genea 8
What a bitch. Maybe she's the issue.
Surge_Heart 12
Demeaning you isn't going to help the situation at all - it may be time to seek medical care if you haven't already or to talk with her about her shitty attitude.
evilangel1000 3
that is verbal abuse, you should take it. if I was in a relationship like that, where they always verbally abused me, I would divorce them. Being told stuff like that makes it way worse then it already is and it's harder to forget about all the things they said.
zenrael 21
I want to signal abuse on this its so messed up.
sweetnsourrr 11
Your wife is awful, she would have given me a "erectile dysfunction " too.
rachel8234 3
women get jokes like that all the time for the smallest stuff. the worlds not so nice when a guy has a problem that cant be fixed. i dont know the situation but im pretty sure its Karma
limabeans101029 21
That's a ridiculous assumption to make.
Ianamis 6
No they don't if you dare insult a woman in our culture you're looked at as a bastard,but insulting a man is perfectly okay. Live in ******* reality.
dispwned 8
That's not right =(