Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried making homemade bread, just for fun. My girlfriend started yelling that we had perfectly good bread from the store, "but noooo, my boyfriend just HAS to make his own bread!" She ended up ruining the experience, so I just threw the dough in the garbage and went to get drunk. FML
Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML
Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML
Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
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Top comments
Astrum14 24
You should inform her that there is a major psychological aspect to erectile dysfunction. If you're constantly worried about getting it up, you'll have a more difficult time getting it up. Comments like that will just make it worse.
annoyed146578 12
Maybe it's time to get a new wife!!
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Comments (132)
doubleofuck 20
She is seriously rude. I'd recommend going to see a marriage counsellor, as people before me have said, there is a psychological aspect to erectile dysfunction and her belittling you and stressing you out more will only make the symptoms worse.
nialls_girl 13
Maybe she's not a keeper. Screw her!
mamadeco 7
you need a new wife.
thatonedude55 8
I would highly recommend looking for a new wife. The bitch you married seems to be defective.
toesparkle 13
It's important for couples to be able to joke about things, but it sounds like she's just being mean, which is not ok. If you tell her that it bothers you, would she stop? If not, I'd say she's not who you want to be married to. :(
prettygurl89 16
Dang thas mean :(
rude_boi256 12
You should have told her the bread has the same problem you do... it was thinking about her.
padillp1 2
that is bullying and verbal abuse...sounds like you need tell her nicely to stop or think about if you should be with her or not
nitrog100 21
You either need to see a marriage counselor or divorce that bitch. The fact that she's insulting your endeavors and your...performance or lack thereof in the bedroom is not okay.
tonyfan00 38
Wife is clearly a jerk...