Today, my boyfriend suffers from Little Man Syndrome and I’m thinking of dumping him, because last night was the seventh time in a year I had to pick him up from hospital after he deliberately picked a fight with a guy bigger than himself and got knocked out. Now he has black eyes and no front teeth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend got drunk and had a fistfight with a dumb teenager, which was bad enough, but he also lost the fight, which was just pathetic and embarrassing. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, my boyfriend is blaming me for his recent diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. Apparently, I should have just kept on tolerating all of his explosive outbursts, instead of "forcing" him to start couples' therapy with me. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Looks like your Napoleon Bonaparte got blown apart. You gave him six more ****-ups than he deserved.
Bogrbon 27
Missing front teeth would be a deal-breaker normally on its own. Incessant fighting and violent tendencies are a major red flag. Run and don't look back. His short legs won't be able to keep up anyhow.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Looks like your Napoleon Bonaparte got blown apart. You gave him six more ****-ups than he deserved.
Crowned Sataness 12
yeah it's time for him to go
Bogrbon 27
Missing front teeth would be a deal-breaker normally on its own. Incessant fighting and violent tendencies are a major red flag. Run and don't look back. His short legs won't be able to keep up anyhow.
Yudith 28
For him, before he ends up in jail, I would suggest two things; anger management therapy, and kung fu classes.