Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
If you want less zoomies and more attention from your girlfriend, play with her twice a day, and make a rotation of her toys. Hide half of them (not always the same half), choose some of them especially to play with her, and don't forget to store those away when you're not playing with her. Also, treats work wonders when you want to teach her something or encourage good behavior.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Some weebs like neko gals.
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Comments (2)
Yudith 28
If you want less zoomies and more attention from your girlfriend, play with her twice a day, and make a rotation of her toys. Hide half of them (not always the same half), choose some of them especially to play with her, and don't forget to store those away when you're not playing with her. Also, treats work wonders when you want to teach her something or encourage good behavior.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Some weebs like neko gals.