Today, my girlfriend and I have literally had our genitals in each other’s mouths and tongues in each other’s ass cracks, yet when I used her toothbrush, I’m gross and nasty, and deserve a sex ban for two weeks. How does this make sense? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
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Top comments
TomeDr 25
Because she knows where your mouth has been.
RichardPencil 32
Tossing her salad is gross but it gives her pleasure. Using her toothbrush is gross, but gives her no pleasure. There's the logic, shit-eater.
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Comments (7)
TomeDr 25
Because she knows where your mouth has been.
mike3775 39
I never have, nor ever will, use someone else’s toothbrush.
RichardPencil 32
Tossing her salad is gross but it gives her pleasure. Using her toothbrush is gross, but gives her no pleasure. There's the logic, shit-eater.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Logically it shouldn't make a difference. But it does. And you have to learn to respect that. Otherwise, you end up serving chocolate mousse shaped like dog turds and wondering why no one wants to eat them.
Crowned Sataness 12
that needs a conversation of, you made a mistake, you're sorry, it won't happen again, but withholding sex as punishment is not appropriate and will not be tolerated in a relationship. nip that shit now
poopface82 25
This could be solved by buying new toothbrushes. If this solution doesn’t satisfy her and she still insists on a sex ban, break up immediately.
kitten79TX 5
It doesn't. but people are quirky. Just apologize, tell her you don't understand but you respect it, and that you'll never do it again.