Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my next door neighbor took up playing the flute as a new hobby. Unfortunately, he's very enthusiastic about actually practising it. It's been 3 hours and counting. FML
Today, over the last year, my husband has gone from listening to normal people music to constantly listening to boring classical music thanks to his new coworkers. We went to a work party and he spent half the time debating dead white composer men. LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC, YOU WEIRDO! FML
Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML
Today, I decided to try jazz music on YouTube. I’d only listened to a few songs when my dad came running in with a baseball bat, demanding to know where “he” was hiding. Apparently, everybody knows jazz is “sex music” so he thought I had a man in my room. I’m 24, I could have men in my room if I wanted. FML
Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML
Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML
Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML
Today, I went into my husband's man cave to ask him a question. He was blasting a song about being an unemployed single loser, singing along, and playing video games. What the fuck did I marry? FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
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Top comments
iam_yummylicious 12
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz? Just shove the saxophone up his ass. He'll be quiet then.
stuth186 7
Personally if I had a saxophone up my ass I'd be anything but quiet
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Comments (73)
unagi_fml 9
Maybe he'll realise how bad his playing is when you tell him in the exact words what you've posted here?
safarigirl 2
That's a strange analogy...
Raooka 6
Now you must acquire a taste for.. freeform jazz. >:|
MoNnEy_MiiTE 3
Omg please post an FML when he goes through his mid-life-crisis!
missnuthin 10
looks like it's time to get him some headphones... if he doesnt want to use them tell him the neighbors complained and you dont wanna get kicked out.
Lee002 8
come on, op. you must acquire a taste for...FREEFORM-JAZZ
KiddNYC1O 22
Suck him off.
mollypop96 1
What a great analogy!
AshleighNason 24
sucks
ShadowBitch99 2
That sucks hard, I despise and purely hate all jazz!!