Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my next door neighbor took up playing the flute as a new hobby. Unfortunately, he's very enthusiastic about actually practising it. It's been 3 hours and counting. FML
Today, over the last year, my husband has gone from listening to normal people music to constantly listening to boring classical music thanks to his new coworkers. We went to a work party and he spent half the time debating dead white composer men. LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC, YOU WEIRDO! FML
Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML
Today, I decided to try jazz music on YouTube. I’d only listened to a few songs when my dad came running in with a baseball bat, demanding to know where “he” was hiding. Apparently, everybody knows jazz is “sex music” so he thought I had a man in my room. I’m 24, I could have men in my room if I wanted. FML
Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML
Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML
Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML
Today, I went into my husband's man cave to ask him a question. He was blasting a song about being an unemployed single loser, singing along, and playing video games. What the fuck did I marry? FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
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Top comments
iam_yummylicious 12
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz? Just shove the saxophone up his ass. He'll be quiet then.
stuth186 7
Personally if I had a saxophone up my ass I'd be anything but quiet
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Comments (73)
iam_yummylicious 12
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz? Just shove the saxophone up his ass. He'll be quiet then.
stuth186 7
Personally if I had a saxophone up my ass I'd be anything but quiet
TheWindowLicker 13
I don't think anyone could be quiet after that kind of trauma..
TheWindowLicker 13
Ah shit double tapped send. Ignore this comment. My bad.
iam_yummylicious 12
Touche... Touche indeed. You can instead beat him over the head until he passes out :D
iam_yummylicious 12
Or you can shove it up there, pull it out, and then beat him to silence.
baileymac1357 0
You could but if you did every time he farted it would sound like a dying elephant.! Lol.!
EvilPotato 15
Threaten to kill his family, that'll shut him up.
CondomSense 4
Simply split your lungs with blood and thunder when you see him, break your back and crack your oar if you wish to prevail. This ivory leg is what propels you, harpoons thrust in the sky, aim directly for his crooked brow, and look him straight in the eye!
M0rt 0
Jazz is amazing I don't get why op is complaining; that's a waste of a good saxophone anyway
urdirtyolduncle 15
Am I the only one was hopin to read, "10 giant angry BIRDS?"
Naitsi 19
lol
felah17 6
What does "touché" mean?
felah17 6
What does,"touché" mean?
philipino 24
By that do you mean butt SEXaphone? Pun- pun- pun- pun- puuuun- pun. This comment is going to get buried.
ImFrackinBored 13
I hope it's not a tuba O.o
deadlyriot101 7
Maybe that's his plan :)
stuth186 7
Depending on the waiting period to buy a gun where you live, you might have to put up with it for a while. Or just kick him out
aruam365 24
Or, if he doesn't have one, surprise him with an iPod and a nice set of headphones? Then he can listen to his music, and you don't! :)
scampman 5
Ask him not to?
JinxosGirl87 0
What is this communication that you speak of??
TherealMort 0
You will soon learn young one.
danik2212 0
Why dont you just ask him to play quieter???
dumboears 8
"In to" is one word, is it not?
stuth186 7
Why yes it is
iam_yummylicious 12
WHY NO ITS NOT!!!! LIARS! ITS A CONSPIRACY!!! NO. NO. NO!!!! WHAT KIND OF CRAP ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL THESE PEOPLE INTO? *will take his medication now*
Mister_Triangle 21
Depends on the context; in this FML, it should be.
8stringGuitarist 3
You just don't get jazz. :P your hubby has some good taste!
godofcyanide 8
I agree. OP should be glad she has a man with such good taste! Jazz is amazing, too... ESPECIALLY freeform jazz. Rule on! :D
NAAMxLOOS 11
Or... OP's husband doesn't understand jazz and that is the reason why it sounds so terrible?
feralpup 7
Tell him to get some good high quality headphones, everything sounds better through good headphones! It's like he's right there! :D
alycion 39
Sounds like a great gift idea. ;)
Freeze_fml 17
Play orchestra at full blast.
FYLDeep 26
Play some Rebecca Black. On a scale of 1 to Fail, she broke the scale.
felah17 6
Agrede!! Play "Friday" full blast,put it On "repeat",and wear ear plugs!!
theonlysweetpea 10
It doesn't matter how good the jazz is if it's cranked up to headache status. OP tell your husband if he still wants to be able to hear anything ever again, he will invest in some headphones ASAP!