Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl in a bar with a magic trick. Instead of pulling a coin from behind her ear, I accidentally flicked her glasses straight into her pint of lager. She was far from impressed. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
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Top comments
optimusprime0069 8
Did it taste better the second time?
Sunny_Eclipse 6
Who cares about what the date says, OP? To impress her, be yourself. But, yeah, you do sorta deserve it.
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Comments (70)
Norrec86 7
NOT impressive at all
quickbluntquim 3
You should have told her it was a foam burp, then punched her in the throat
nidawi 0
how cute.
Truuetruue2 0
Calling someone out to finish a beer doesn't make you an alcoholic.. She was obviously just flirting. You shouldn't have done it if you can't handle it
EvanAGD 7
If she was impressed with speed she could've been impressed with how fast it came up.
meechiep 0
You dont want her. And who cares what she think. Sounds like she's a drunk.
detective_oreo 0
Been there done that...
taazer 12
If i was your date i would have lmfao!!!
newmandotcom 6
YDI for being a lightweight. YDI for drinking slow enough that a girl can call you out on it. YDI for obviously drinking slower than her
Naeeboo 4
wow, shoulda said so nd worry about yuh nd yo beer. lol