Stalker, Paranoia and Miscellaneous: I spy…

I spy…

By boyfriend123 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 845

You deserved it 3 504

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

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Same thing different taste

Shame on you!

By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 399

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 762

You deserved it 26 552

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 400

You deserved it 5 606

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 749

You deserved it 887

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 779

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 999

You deserved it 108 997

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 973

You deserved it 3 572

Keep the peace

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 10:02 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 175

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 614

You deserved it 4 554

Self own + Karma

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 886

Ladiesman247 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 15:45

Oscar the Grouch? :3

jsgunner420 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 15:44

Maybe it WAS watching her!

Comments

FAYUL12345100 3

Thursday 18 August 2011 19:13

Pedobear was in the trash can.

guilder16 8

Thursday 18 August 2011 19:31

Close the curtains next time?

datoismyname 22

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:05

Sucks to be you!

CertifiedCreeper 2

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:09

That was me, sorry

yellowboy30 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:17

Dump her

GraceKathryn97 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:24

Hey don't make fun of her, trash cans are scary! ;)

dtemple1110 6

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:40

BFD. It's not like you're not gonna get more sleep the next night.

Barrage0331 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:43

Now that's some funny shit!!

NinjaNay 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 21:40

Hahahaha wow...

ken12317 7

Thursday 18 August 2011 21:44

ha ha ha stupid moment

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The Top

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 207

You deserved it 646

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 055

You deserved it 5 794

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 060

You deserved it 4 054

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 405

You deserved it 10 694

Today, I woke up to dozens of messages from friends and family, all asking about a video of me saying something awful. It wasn’t me. It was AI. But try explaining that to my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 76

Today, my parents forced me to do chores. I worked extra slow to rebel against their tyranny. My dad then said I'm not allowed to get my learner's permit for another six months and took away my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 1 107