Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was discussing with my husband about how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?" He's 35 and I'm 32. FML
Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML
Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML
Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML
Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML
Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend because we’re not on the same page. He doesn’t want to get married or have kids because he “wants to enjoy his youth” and “you’re only young once, don’t waste it!” He’s 38. FML
Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML
Today, my fiancé thinks that the only reason I innocently asked him how soon he wants to have kids after we get married is that he thinks I'm racing to beat a friend or family member. Now I can't even be excited about starting a family with this man without having ulterior motives. FML
Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML
Today, I resorted to trying to guilt trip my husband into getting his prostate checked. He asked for one good reason why he should, so I said because he has two kids who don’t want to see him get prostate cancer. His response, "Nope, not good enough, now leave me alone." FML
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Top comments
Donut_Wizard 23
That’s why it’s good to have a mace in your purse. Not the spray though, the medieval weapon.
RichardPencil 32
Thank him for his offer and accept it. Tell him to find you a tall, handsome, rich guy with an advanced degree and no family history of cancer, early death or dementia. There still are gentlemen in this world!
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Comments (21)
interesting33 37
Helpfully chimed in did he? Thought his minute Dong could strike lucky and help give a baby a ticker? Good thing you clocked him and got his number! Good you saw his true inner workings so he didn't bash one out with his bellend. Face it, he was a windup wasn't he? Was old enough to be a Grandfather? Pity he didn't get a hand to the face. (Not really though, watch it, he is a jerk and disgusting but violence would get you into trebble).
interesting33 37
and if it was the other way round, aka male hitting female it wouldnt be ok and you might be stuck doing time. So take my punny rhetoric with a pinch of salt ;)
Donut_Wizard 23
That’s why it’s good to have a mace in your purse. Not the spray though, the medieval weapon.
John Nemeth 14
Both forms of mace used in combination are far better:)
apossessedbagel 14
A mace that sprays mace upon impact!
anon430 20
Bringing age into it was rude! he could have just offered to go halves on a kid...
RichardPencil 32
Thank him for his offer and accept it. Tell him to find you a tall, handsome, rich guy with an advanced degree and no family history of cancer, early death or dementia. There still are gentlemen in this world!
Mal2003 17
And they say men have high standards.
ajh1800 25
You should tell him that he's the one who's past his prime and then offer to give him a free vasectomy...
RichardPencil 32
Men are fertile way into old age! Depending on how he took care of himself, his desirability clock may be #TimesUp!
jbuckets_404 39
Richard, I think she means giving the guy a knee to the groin (or some other likewise painful action) to dissuade him from ever offering another woman the same.
jbuckets_404 39
Richard, this guy's "desirability clock" ran out long before this i.e., being a gentleman.
Glowworm56 27
If you ask me, it sounds more like his biological clock is ticking and he's desperate for sex.
Lobby_Bee 18
This is where you tell him you have a boyfriend so he can get the hell out of the way.
Rabite 28
I love how there is always more respect towards another man than towards the woman just saying no.
Lobby_Bee 18
No guys ever said they have a girlfriend instead of rejecting another lady? Its not about respecting another "man" more than a women, it's about rejecting another person without being as harsh as saying no.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Give him a rejection hotline number.
Linz645 19
I’ve totally had that happen to me as well
RichardPencil 32
You should have asked him by what he meant by “help.” Did he just mean the ******* part or the changing diapers, teaching to ride a bike, having the sex talk and paying for college part? If it’s the latter, you might want to think about it.