Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML
Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML
Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML
Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML
Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML
Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML
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Top comments
Rocyer 0
Nice bruise.
doink 0
Did she have a Hoveround? If she did then technically you wouldn't have been lying.
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Comments (166)
CYNNER 0
How about nice shirt or i like your hair. most girls would love to hear any of those
Cthulu 0
Get one of those canes with a sword hidden inside. Let's see them make jokes then.
iEjaculateCandy 0
I'd like to see a cripple kick my ass, I'd steal your cane then kick your teeth in.
BenignSociopath 10
21 how about...you're beautiful. I love the way your hair shines in the light and your eyes could light up even the darkest of nights.....? Lol. Ftw for sure.
Tahsis 4
Sue the dumb bitch.
wazdog 4
I don't think it was that bad of a line. Most normal people would just laugh it off.
Chuson 0
Bright side. that the most action she we get while in that chair
Metallica139 0
I'm not gonna say YDI because you actually said "nuts" instead of "happy sacks".
Tripout 0
ssssoooooo how does that change the fact that op really does deserve it??? just cuz he said nuts ur gonna say that he doesn't??? what a knowledgeable mind u have there
Thunderbender 2
Its called jokin #30
iheartjustinsane 0
"Nice chair?" Seriously? YDI.
rwac07 0
dude, chilllllllll. she was trying to give u a quick n powerful handjob
Tripout 0
0_0................................. -stares hard at the ground-.................-looks back up at u with a face expressing that I don't get it-...............-takes a breathe to say somethin-.................. -points at u ROFLMFAO- AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA UVE HIT A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF REJECTION. THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY DIES HURT WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO
marrsbty 0
YDI for taking the elavator!
rachexl 0
time to sue for assault. its the american way.
infernofalcon 0
ninth degree Rape, I tell ya!