Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought a box of tampons and went to the store restroom to insert one. I then put the box inside my purse. On my way out, I got stopped by security, who yelled at me to empty my purse. He grabbed my bag, spilling the tampons everywhere. Apparently, he thought I was stealing. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML
Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML
Today, at work, I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I usually try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say, "Have a nice night." What I actually said was, "Have a nice flow." FML
Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML
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Top comments
ByronJess 17
Well if you didn't have a pack of Q-tips for your ears, then he was most definitely wrong.
ahhdorablepeach 0
Awkward...
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Comments (278)
ahhdorablepeach 0
Awkward...
Wiebeski19 5
No kidding
imaginaryvoice 18
Q-tips?
_ebbonyy 11
punch him in the nose and when it bleeds, offer him a tissue and say 'Well, I'll be damned, I'm not the only one with a hole that's flowing' :)
hahauRrcool 0
Assault.
SliceOfCake 9
15 - have you ever written a comment without a smiley emoticon? :)
_ebbonyy 11
probably not, but I don't see the harm in being a happy person? :)
hahauRrcool 0
Slice o cake. Ever been worried you might be murdered by a fat kid like myself.
urjustaniceone 0
Shouldn't the security guard be doing, I don't Know, his job? No one comments when he buys his excessive amounts of twinkys.
SliceOfCake 9
75 - actually those worries keep me awake at night.
hahauRrcool 0
Not security. Close. And im off at home. Stuffing my face with 5 fried chickens and a coke
Dracoboxer357 36
81- I thought Jake ordered 4 fried chickens and a coke? :) Either way, I'll take some dry, white toast though, please. (Presuming a Blues Brothers quote here. If I'm wrong, please simply dismiss this comment as one made by a super-movie-geek and please carry on.)
ucoolgirl31 20
That's hilarious!!!
hahauRrcool 0
I meant 4. Elwood.
mockingjaygirl16 8
15- brilliant. made me laugh!
Ray_of_midnight 23
The extra one's for BB bassist Donald "Duck" Dunn, he died yesterday. RIP
airforce987 20
I'm sorry, but, did anyone else read "I'll be damned," with the voice of Marcellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction?
notjustanybody20 9
incredibly rude of him! but this fml made my day! i laughed so hard at this. sorry op!
omfgshiz 7
I would hand him a tampon instead of a tissue hahaha
ShyAnn29 15
Well, tampons are absorbent, so it might work better than a tissue.
xavier21_fml 6
15- MY NAMES EBONY TOO! SNAP! you're the funniest hahahaha
Harpy20 24
79- who said he was fat? Sounds like he has an awesome sense of humor in my opinion.
ByronJess 17
Well if you didn't have a pack of Q-tips for your ears, then he was most definitely wrong.
StanSmith_fml 9
Also, she doesn't have Pepto-Bismol so he's wrong about that too.
ydi_4_suking 20
no cuz the toilet paper is covering that end
StanSmith_fml 9
I'm talking about puking...
Jakesterk96 8
74- Yea, because I use pepto bismol as an alternative to toilet paper.
iamabamf 17
77-Wait you don't? That means that...oh.
KingDingALing 9
Q-tips are for the ears? Shit...
XxDevilxXGt 26
You forgot the secret hole that Quagmire discovered on women.. But we will never know what lies there.
tacovender 7
102-the hell have you been using them for?
Mariebaz 11
I think it's funny how a Q-Tip box instructs us not to use them in your ears, but everyone does anyways. :)
bjnono001 20
She forgot napkins too!
ConesOfDeath 0
145 wait, your not supposed to use them in your ears? Then what are they for?
mtrrace 4
145 they don't want us to poke our brains
maz255 10
Yo what the **** is toilet paper?
Cookehz 0
Gobble gobble
fadingaway 17
Well they're called earbuds where I'm from, even though you're not supposed to use them for your ears because they push the wax deeper in. I use them for things like removing the nail polish that gets on my skin and to apply things that would otherwise stain my fingers like gentian violet or mercurochrome.
mrpipp 0
77- wait, u mean everyone doesn't do that? Shit.
diego2k5 6
off the Qtips box: "Warning: Do not insert swab into ear canal". Variety of uses include first aid, household cleaning, and Electronics! I guess i will count my ear as an electronic :)
draftskink 23
The box clearly states not to put them into your ear
Nickiminajislyfe 20
Dont forget about napkins?
Nickiminajislyfe 20
Dont forget about napkins?
AwkwardPartyBear 24
That waa messes up but hillarious
AwkwardPartyBear 24
#3 *messed *was
cayytee 0
hilarious* just thought I would keep it going : )
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Thanks, I didnt catch that. My phone has been messing stuff up lately
BeccaHugs 17
Ah yes, the classic "I'll-just-blame-autocorrect" move. Nice.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
#33 I never blamed autocorrect.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
I just simply need a new phone. Thank you for asking, though.
MrSassypants 34
Quick! Balme your comments on a sibling before it gets out of hand!
zachherbert 10
56- He asked a question?
Beanie2012 12
58- *blame
AwkwardPartyBear 24
I do not want things to get out of hand. I do not like to argue, especially on FML. Also, I do not want to argue over something as stupid as a grammatical mistake. So if my original comment is removed, that will honestly be great.
thisisafunnyname 12
I can't tell if 58 wrote "balme" on purpose...
The_Hitdude 12
AwkwardPartyBear- Grammatical mistakes aren't 'stupid'. Grammar and spelling are the essence of world languages today. For example, in Spanish 'papa' is potato and 'papá' is father. While it's cute to love a potato, it's not nearly the same thing as loving your dad. Yes, people on this site tend to nitpick at minute errors, but your past few comments have been a train wreck that seems pathetic to blame on a phone, which you are ultimately controlling. As a saying goes, "Good grammar is the difference between 'knowing your shit and 'knowing you're shit'". Just be more careful next time.
downtime 13
106, Except it is quite stupid when the mistake was corrected (with the exception of 'hillarious') by the original commenter, suggesting they obviously know how to spell, and it was unintentional. I'm all for giving people shit if they've just posted something daft and then left it, but there was an attempt at correcting the mistakes here so why be an ass about it?
kittenvks 11
106- you missed a ', just sayin'!
MatthewDmerrill 5
Bronies unite!
MyChemicalSmosh 4
You need to fix your profile. You can't be all three types of ponies. You can be an alicorn (Like Celestia and Luna) but You can't say you are an earth pony on top of that, because earth ponies are basically just ponies without wings or horns!
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Once again, I do not want to argue. I have corrected most of my mistakes(with the acception of hilarious). Also I do not want to argue about my profile. I will change it if you like so we can all move on, because therefore, my hooves are tired
MissMae93 23
205 - "because therefore"? It's safe to say that makes zero sense. Also, *except, since we're on a roll with this anyways.
cjfitz 2
That sir, was beautiful!
ReesieBanana21 12
Well, he is right, right?
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Thank you for correcting me. Now, is there anyone else who would like to make a comment? No? Okay, good.
MrSassypants 34
I would and so I did.
LyricaSilvan 30
Are you guys seriously having an MLP discussion here? Go do that somewhere else; this website has nothing to do with that show and therefore is not the place to talk about it.
YourAFailmod 4
Was it Paul blart?????
lopsop 12
No he was a Disney character I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be allowed last time I checked.
MissMae93 23
5 - Usually when I see grammatical errors it's within a comment, not a username. Thanks for being my first, *You'reaFailmod
Ceejay1 13
HaHa !
klovemachine 24
Ah yeah
mgkgambino 3
Put your tongue back in you mouth homeboy..
auzz1_pride 9
Am I the only one who thought he was a black homer Simpson at first? Yes? ok :(....
efemel94 7
Damned... Unintentional puns for the win!
skigirl98 9
Men .
instnt1nfction 17
Are awesome
instnt1nfction 17
Moderated while saying one word only. Congratufuckinglations.
MarisaCB 16
But it's funny. So laugh it off. It's not a big deal.
Herculesninja27 5
You have really pretty eyes lol random... Haha
mars13_fml 8
Omg I completely agree! This is not an FML it's just funny :)
hahauRrcool 0
And you have gay bunner ears on your head.
lexi365 20
Creep...
MarisaCB 16
Err, thanks. But there's private messaging for a reason. :) Compliment me over that!
downtime 13
125, Slow down! Have some respect for yourself. It's good to see that these days there are guys willing to wait for private messaging and not just jump into it with every girl he sees! Good on him for waiting. You PM ****.
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
Aw that must be so embarassing...
olpally 33
Sounds like something Quagmire would say... Lmao... No giggity though :(