Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
mysadlyfe 9
I lost it at "my asshole went numb" sorry op!! sounds embarassing!
ForFudgeSake 6
You should have gone somewhere farter away.
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Comments (97)
weveallbeenthere 30
this is too funny, blew coffee out my nose laughing.
slipstreak 10
What the hell did you eat?!
Saraishi 25
Sorry OP, i sniggered a bit.
katina1236 20
Omg I almost peed myself, when you mentioned the yelp in pain and numbness afterwards.
goodylife101 2
You should have yelled America
leeloo900 9
Eww thats gross.. :/
slyde32 12
oh like you've never farted, I'd be proud if my girlfriend did that....as long as we weren't in a car
abc_1_2_3 12
I love you username OP xD just commented to say that, goodbye now
captainsmegma 12
Op, those beauties should be saved for your annual block party. All of your neighbours should be so fortunate to bask in the killing powers of your bunghole.
tman1985 9
#39 try saving (as you say) a fart of that magnitude, and let me know how that works out for you
tazmanmike2013 17
I apologize in advance because this is going to sound chauvinistic but, funny fart stories from girls is no where near as funny as fart stories from guys. There's just some things us guys would not like to know. That being said, I gotta give ya kudos if it was strong enough to numb your ass and make it's way across the yard, that was a good one.
Kiki242 19
You have a problem with females farting? That's equivalent to females having a problem with males crying. Besides, what's the big deal about girls farting?
_spacekid 11
Ouch ..